Saturday, March 22, 2014

Midnight thinking

It's 12:30 a.m., I can't sleep, my stomach is full and no it is not because I ate too much.  It is because of my dialysis fluid.  Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep without having to hook up to a machine.  I try to think back to a time when I was not on dialysis but its such a distant memory that I don't know how it feels anymore.  I have been living like this for almost four years and I have become accustom.  Sometimes I wake up in the morning and just wish that it has all been a dream and that I don't have a tube coming out of my stomach,  but I wake up and open my eyes realizing that no, its not a dream.  It is ok though.  I am alive and well.  Yes, I might not be healthy per say but I am as healthy as I can be considering my circumstances.  I just got through moments where I wish I wasn't going through this.  Sometimes I just want to be "normal" and no worry about how much phosphorus I'm eating or trying to avoid potassium (which is in every delicious fruit) filled foods because my body just absorbs potassium quickly and doesn't really like to leave where it needs to.  When I say where it needs to I'm talking about the dialysis fluid.  The fluid is supposed to absorb potassium but my body would rather hold on to it.  Yes, it is a pain but luckily they have a medicine, however, that medicine is AWFUL!  Despite the pains at time I still appreciate every single day that the Lord has given me.  Everyday is a blessing and I am truly blessed.  Even though I have dietary restrictions.  What bothers me the most is not being able to eat which ever fruit and as much FRUIT as I want.

I look forward to the day I get to eat fruit.  I'm at the top of a transplant list.  I may be fortunate enough to get one this year.  I hope I do but there is a part of me that is terrified and would rather just stay on dialysis.  Of course a greater part of me wants to have a transplant so that I can have a 95% normal like as opposed to 85%.  I'm scared that things don't go well and I end up right back here, on peritoneal dialysis, or worse, on hemo-dialysis.  There are so many things that can happen.  I know I should worry, I know it is in God's hands.  I get it!  It's that the unknown is hard sometimes you know?  Despite my fears I still look forward to the day I get a call saying that I have a kidney waiting for me at UCSF (University of California San Francisco) Medical Hospital. 

When I started typing my stomach felt full and guess what now?  My stomach feels more full.  Haha... surprise, surprise, that's what is supposed to happen.  The dialysis fluid rests inside the peritoneal membrane and blood passes through.  The sure in the dialysis water absorb excess fluid from your body and toxins that my kidneys would otherwise clean out. 
I think I may have mentioned the above already.  I'm not sure and I don't want to click away and go look.  :)

Thank you for reading.  Hope you have and amazing blessed day.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Ipsy March Glam Bag

Yes, it has arrived.  Ipsy's March Glam Bag is here (yay).  If you are completely lost and confused already as to what Ipsy is, let me fill you in.  Ipsy is a company that provides thousands of women with goodies each moth.  Wihin these goodies comes a little make up bag like the one below and you get four items sometimes they are full sized and sometimes they are sample size.  Either way most of the time they are great items that bring you to buy more.  There are other companies that do the same for instance birchbox.  There is however a subscription fee of $10 a month and well if you ask me, that is a pretty good deal.  This months make up bag was so cute and colorful.  It was picked out by Klari Reis (  Ipsy features artist and they get to pick the bags. That's pretty cool.


Isn't this little make up bag cute?  I like their bags they are always on point.  Well let's get to what was inside.


This Chella- Blue Indigo Liquid eyeliner pen is great.  It glides on well and dries quickly.  You can make thick or thin lines with it very easily.  This eyeliner will give your look an extra kick and just brink it all together.  I look forward to using it more it is absolutely gorgeous.


Lastly in my Glam Bag was this beautiful BareMinerals Marvelous Moxie lipstick in "get ready".  Look at that color swatch.  Isn't it gorgeous?  Yes, yes it is.  This is a great everyday anytime lipstick. It is such a luxurious lipstick and the smell is truly marvelous.
NYX Love in Rio trio in "Bikini bottom parfait bikini.  The shades are pretty and soft. The lightest shade is a little powdery but still very workable and blendable. This trio would be perfect to accomplish a day or night look depending on how much you use.  Keeping it nice and light for a day natural look and a great smoky eye for night time.

This is the Pixi "Flawless Beauty Primer" and it has a shimmer tone to it. I think this is a great find for summer.  To give a nice golden shimmer look for a youthful glow.  It'll go great with some bronzer over your skin.

Well, that's what I got in my glam bag this month.  I will be anxiously waiting for next months.  Oh, I almost forgot to share the prices.
  • Chella Indigo eyeliner pen $24
  • BareMinerals Marvelous Moxie Lipstick $18
  • NYX Love in Rio eyeshadow trio $6
  • Pixi Flawless Beauty Primer $9
That's a value of $57.  I think this is a steal, don't you?  These products will definitely be used.  I do wish however that the NYX eyeshadow trio was a little less dusty but it works well enough to achieve a pretty eye look.

Till next time.  If you are a subscriber to Ipsy, I'm interested in knowing what you got.  Please share.


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

First Post

This is exciting!  I have started a few blogs but have not been successful in BLOGGING in them.  This time I hope things will be different.  This blog will be a personal outlet for me.  Here I will share some moments of my life, as well as beauty reviews (not that I am an expert or anything) and maybe fashion snippets and health as I try to stay healthy on dialysis.  I do sewing projects (I am self taught and learning more) and hope to do a lot more to share here and hopefully you guys like them enough to maybe purchase a few items.  My main focus for this blog is just to be me! Things that I like, dislike and think.  Hopefully I get some readers though because at the moment I have 1.  Yes, that reader is only me.  I don't know if I should talk about me all in this post or if I should gradually reveal parts of me.  Not sure, but I think I will do a gradual reveal, however, below I am pasting a post I did on my previous blog.  It'll reveal a part of my life that is very important and I deal with on the daily basis.

I need to heat a bag!!! 

Odd right?  Though an odd thing to say that is something I say and think on a daily basis.  I am a 27 year old on peritoneal dialysis, also known as PD.  My condition?  End Stage Renal Disease (esrd).  At times the journey has been tough and tiring, but I have had very fulfilling moments in my life, full of love and joy from family, friends, and even my medical team, except for Medicare and Medi-cal.  They certainly are a pain to work with.

So, let me start on 6/01/2010.  Feeling ill and do not know what can possibly be wrong with me.  Go to clinic, tell doctor how I feel, inform of previous kidney problems, he immediately says I need to go to the ER.  Go to the ER, did not want to accept the problems could be my kidneys.  Guess what?  It was my kidneys!  Bummer right?  I was scared!  I wanted to scream NO!!!  I did not though; I wanted to be strong for my mom and my siblings.  During the time we were in the ER I kept blacking out and I remember thinking "I don't see the light!  God please don't let this be my time".  Coming in and out of it.  I was not in good shape.  I won't go into details today but maybe one day I will.  I was admitted in the hospital.

6/03/2010 was day of surgery for insertion of a perm-cath in my chest for Hemo-Dialysis.  Scary?  Oh Yes!!!  I had heard horror stories about dialysis, I was terrified but I knew it had to be done and God gave me the strength to continue on.   So I went to surgery and when I came out they immediately took me into my first treatment of Hemo-Dialysis, once again I was scared that it was going to hurt.  Ok, I am hooked up to the machine and the only discomfort I feel is from the surgery but not too bad.  I don't feel the blood going out and back in.  Ok that is a good sign.  First treatment done!  “That wasn't so bad”, goes through my head.

I have to have a complete separate paragraph for this part.  Night of surgery, my pain medicine is wearing off.  It burns where I got the catheter.  Oh my goodness I felt as though that spot on my chest was literally lit on fire.  The pain was crazy.  Actually, I would not consider the sensation of burning pain.  That is something completely different, completely.  No joke!  I can handle pain but burning?  Umm... not so much.

Hemo-Dialysis was not so bad.  I was fortunate to not really feel any of the symptoms related to Hemo-Dialysis during and after treatments, however, I did not like sitting in a chair 3 times a week for 3 plus hours.  Yuck!  The worst part was seeing everybody else have to go through it.  They were all way older than me and they looked so sad.  I wish there was something I could do for them but I knew that I could not provide them with what they really needed because I too was there for the same reason.

Finally 3 months after I started Hemo-Dialysis I was able to go on PD, which has been wonderful.  Ok, as wonderful as it can be.  I mean I would certainly love the ability to not have to rely on a machine to live but given the circumstances I enjoy it the best.  I get to do dialysis every night while I am sleeping and like Hemo there is no pain.  I enjoy it and in my personal opinion if you are capable of doing PD go for it.  Being a kidney patient requires a lot of dedication to YOU, you must stay on top of everything.  Your life and health depends on it.  It really is not a game; life is not a game. 

Jesus loves you!  Yes, he does (whether you know him or not) and he loves me too.  God is great people.  Believe me when I say that without God in my life I would not be where I am with this and I truly fully with all my heart believe that.  I do

Till next time.  God Bless!

That was my post.  Not much has changed.  I am still doing dialysis every night.  My husband has been so loving and supportive.  God truly has been great to me.  He has blessed me oh so much and though I m going through this life threatening disease I feel amazing to be alive and to be able to see my family and friends grow along side me.  I hope you have a swell day and I look forward to your visit again.

Thank you,